Families. Love them, hate them—even if you move a thousand miles away, you can’t escape them because, like it or not, they’re part of you.
If you grew up in a difficult family dynamic, you’re probably thinking, “That sucks!”
Well, it doesn’t have to suck. It’s simply something to be aware of.
I struggled for a lot of years to escape my family—mentally and physically. I hated the idea of becoming a teacher, because most of them were. And I hated that emotions were never talked about when I was a kid. I had to learn effective communication on my own and get in touch with my emotions as an adult. I would’ve had a stronger starting foundation if my family was simply better at saying, “I feel…”
But talking about feeling just wasn’t part of my childhood. At some point, I had to face the patterns in my family unit and how they’ve shaped me.
When you’ve grown up in a family with certain beliefs and behaviors, these ingrained patterns can become a part of your identity. But what happens when you identify a negative pattern within your family, and want to separate yourself from it?
I’ve worked with a lot of clients who feel hopeless when they realize they’re a reflection of their family, even if they’ve spent years fighting not to be. I always tell them this: You can put space between you and unhelpful family traits, but the answer is counter-intuitive.
It’s not about rejecting or fighting against familial patterns, but learning to accept and understand the root cause. Family Constellations is a great modality for helping you do just that.
Why Does Resistance Rarely Work?
The phrase “what we resist, persists” comes to mind, and it’s especially true when dealing with family patterns. Attempting to distance yourself from a negative pattern without fully understanding it will only root it deeper within you. So, how do you effectively break free so you can create the life you want, not repeat the lives experienced by your family members?
The Secret is Working with Family Constellations
Family Constellations is a healing modality that will help you on your journey. You’ll be able to see your place in your family system, understand your lineage, and recognize how beliefs and behaviors have been passed down to you (and your parents) through generations. By physically working with an altar, Family Constellations encourages exploration and play, providing a visual tool to reveal and release stuck energy within yourself or your familial system.
Finding Acceptance (but Not Futility!)
A key principle of Family Constellations is acceptance. You’ll learn to accept your bonds with family members who exhibit certain patterns, understanding your family not only as individuals, but as part of a shared lineage.
This is really impactful work. For example, a negative pattern seen in your mother might not have originated with her, but could come from how she was parented, and so on. Integrating that understanding into your life will free you in so many ways.
Healing Yourself and Your Family
Family Constellation rituals will help you understand your role within your family system and also enable you to separate yourself from any stuck patterns—without resistance. This isn’t about becoming estranged or distant. It’s about understanding why your family behaves a certain way, accepting it, and finding a path forward to heal and grow from your new understanding.
Ultimately, because you’re connected to each of your family members through lineage, the work you do to heal yourself will send healing to them. You’ll heal your future lineage, and the energy can also influence living family members (if they choose to integrate it, of course; some people aren’t ready for change!).
How I Work with Clients Using Family Constellations
My work with family lineage is impactful and deep, designed to facilitate long-lasting change over six to seven weeks.
We start with an initial session that’s usually around two hours, during which we lay the groundwork. From there, we’ll meet weekly for 30-minute sessions, and I will provide you with homework between sessions to continue your exploration and healing.
I’ve found that this gradual and thorough approach to healing is what truly makes Family Constellations so powerful. Since you’ve spent years (decades!) with your family and have been influenced by them in profound ways, it’s not a quick fix. Even after our work over several weeks, it’s a continuous process that I encourage all of my clients to re-visit as often as they can.
Ready to take the first step toward breaking negative familial patterns and embracing a journey of healing and self-discovery connected to your lineage? I invite you to book a free 15-minute discovery session. I would love to help you explore your family system, understand its dynamics, and guide you toward inner growth.