How learning to say no can lead to living an inspired life (Part two).
As I mentioned in my last blog post, I recently came to understand a pattern of mine that had been plaguing me for some time. Namely, that I had to push to be successful.
Where did this pattern of pushing come from?
I think, in part, it’s the over-emphasized masculine in me, that I had to kind of swing into when I became a single mom and be head of household. So, in a way, it was a survival instinct—like just do what needs to be done. So there’s that.
And I definitely related more to the masculine in my family of ‘doers,’ than the experience of my mother, who was the only other feminine in the family. She was a lot more passive-aggressive, like take to your bed when things get rough, and I have an aversion to that. I feel more comfortable with: “Let’s move mountains!” as opposed to: “Get me the smelling salts.”
Plus, I bought into the cultural prevailing mentality that in order to have a successful business you have to push and sacrifice. You have to really do.
Last year I decided to take more responsibility for my finances, my business. I thought that it was time to grow up and take more responsibility for the areas in my life that I hadn’t taken responsibility for while I was in survival mode.
And part of taking responsibility, I thought, in having my own business meant saying yes to everything on my plate. No matter how full the plate was, I had to say yes to every single opportunity. Even if I was completely depleted and exhausted.
It was my understanding based on cultural expectations that this is what you had to do. Then, I took my sabbatical. And interestingly enough during that time, I came across two female coaches who were like, “F*ck this pushing thing. It’s all about pleasure.”
Wow, what a concept!
These coaches came across my path at just the right time (no mistakes) as I was contemplating what pushing had done for me from a place of space.
Becoming more grounded.
Not only do I feel more grounded, overall, as a result of my sabbatical this January, but I also feel like I am grounding more into realism, as well. Instead of solely thinking of building my business today, or this year, now I’m settling in to the fact that building my business may take years. And in the meantime, I acknowledge that the bulk of my business comes from a retreat center here in Sedona and I’m so grateful for that! Whereas before I was like, ‘No, I just need to be off on my own.’
So it was a little of swinging into grounded realism, of not needing to jump off the cliff from ten miles away, and acknowledging gratitude for what is. I can take the time and walk the ten miles, right? Today, I’m actually fine with it. That is a much more pleasurable space!
Before, I kept saying, “I just want to get rid of these external distractions. I just want to build my own business.” But now, I think now that this pressure stemmed from not being grounded, being over-tired, being a little caught up in all the external pressures of: “Build your business TODAY!”
Building out of desperation.
I realized that with all this doing, I had been building my business out of desperation.
I came from a place of desperation to a place of restfulness; Once I had my feet on the ground, I changed my perspective from” Build this business NOW” to “I can do this for another three years or more and incrementally build.”
So I backed off on building my business to a degree. I told my business coach that instead of the coaching I was doing with her (she’s been very helpful in my growth) we would put that on hold for right now. I might be a slow learner, but it also might be because I was so busy I wasn’t taking it all in.
I’m starting to really get the structure my coach was sharing with me and now, between myself and my assistant, we have enough to go on. We can work with what we have now for months maybe even years to come, in a grounded way and not feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants.
After all, that’s kind of what I’ve been doing: flying by the seat of my pants!
There were plenty of things that she was telling me to do that I let slip through the cracks because there is, frankly, only one of me. And that just doesn’t feel pleasurable.
In the end, it’s all about living from a place of grace and ease. It’s about embodying all that I teach and share with people at a deeper level than ever before. It’s about living the embodied life. The inspired life.
If it resonates with you to find a similar sense of ease and flow in your own life, I would be honored to help guide you toward it. Please feel free to read other blogs or attend one of my free breathwork sessions HERE. On the other hand, if you feel ready for a deeper level of one-on-one support, I would love to support you with my inspired Intro HERE.