Self-discovery is a lifelong quest. It’s a continual process of learning and re-learning, where each step brings us closer to the core of our authentic selves.
As a Life and Intimacy Coach, my journey has been enriched with diverse modalities, each offering unique insights. One I’ve always felt so connected to is Family Constellations. This transformative practice dives into the connections we all have in our family histories that shape our present selves.
Now, if you’ve visited my blog in the past, you know that I’ve touched on Family Constellations a few times before. I’ve talked about breaking negative family patterns and how Family Constellations connect to my other modalities.
This time, I’d like to share how I actually work with clients to help them process familial trauma and understand their lineage (and themselves) better. Working with a coach about the most intimate parts of yourself can feel overwhelming and scary at first, so by sharing my process I hope to ease some of those worries.
Let’s explore.
The Roots of Family Constellations
There’s an important truth that often goes unnoticed: we are more than just individuals. Each of us carries the lives, experiences, and emotions of our ancestors. And this legacy can manifest in a variety of ways, including inherited stress responses and trauma, often without our conscious awareness.
The idea of inheriting trauma is especially fascinating. Just imagine your ancestors going about their lives and facing their own unique challenges. Their responses to hardships, whether they reacted with resilience, anxiety, or survival strategies, didn’t simply vanish over time. Instead, they became part of your family lineage, subtly influencing future generations.
This isn’t just psychological; it’s ingrained in our very DNA. Our genes carry memories of our ancestors’ experiences, shaping our responses to stress and trauma.
But before you get too worried about all of this, it’s not only burdens that get passed down. Just as we inherit stress responses, we also inherit gifts—strengths, talents, and positive traits that help us through life. These gifts are like guiding lights passed down through our lineage, often leading us toward authenticity without us even realizing it.
So how do we know what influence our family has on our present selves?
As I’m sure you guessed, Family Constellations offer us the opportunity to explore our heritage. By uncovering and understanding these inherited patterns, both positive and negative, we gain profound insights into our own lives. We begin to see ourselves not as isolated individuals but as part of a greater whole. This understanding is a pathway to healing, growth, and a deeper connection with ourselves, our families, and the world around us.
Sounds pretty great, right? It is! And I’m not just saying that—I never use a modality unless I have first-hand experience with it.
I discovered Family Constellations at a vulnerable time in my life, and it helped me process the trauma I experienced as a child and gave me a greater understanding of my mother and father, bringing us all closer.
I absolutely love helping clients achieve their own personal transformations through this process, so let’s take a look now about how I help clients create and understand their constellations (you’ll understand what a “constellation” is in just a moment, I promise!).
Initial Consultation and Setting Intentions
The first thing we’ll do to start building your constellation is spend an hour or so talking over Zoom. We will create a safe space to share and set intentions. This initial conversation lays the foundation for our future work, and I’ll be asking questions to get to know you better and learn about your family.
During our time together, I will deeply engage with you, offering insights and exploring your inherited stress responses and gifts. This is an important piece of the puzzle because understanding the influences on your life will help you shift from a perspective of self-blame/failure to a broader, more compassionate understanding of yourself.
Trust me when I say this is powerful stuff!
And my process is unique, something that has evolved over time through my experiences and everything I’ve learned throughout my life journey.
Healing phrases play a profound role in the work we’ll do together, and you’ll hear me call them “medicine.” I use this term because it truly captures what the phrases are doing. Calling them “affirmations” makes it sound like they’re something you’re aspiring to do, but “medicine” is something we all understand—when you’re not feeling your best, you take medicine to heal. And that’s exactly what these phrases do—they heal the emotional and psychological parts of you that are in distress and hurting.
The healing phrases I use will unlock deep-seated emotions and memories held within your body. I invite my clients to tune into their physical and emotional responses as they hear the different phrases like “I Am Worthy,” “I am lovable,” “I belong,” “I matter,” or “I’m enough.” Your body, with its wisdom, will resonate with the phrase you most need to hear, revealing not only a core issue but also the medicine that will bring about change.
The phrase you pick will not only highlight personal challenges but also reveal broader familial patterns. For example, a strong connection with the phrase “I am lovable” might reveal a lineage struggling with self-worth and acceptance.
None of this is random. In the moment, it may feel like you’re just guessing and picking a phrase, but it’s an intuitive exercise where your body and subconscious guides you to the right medicine, whether you’re aware of it or not. The healing phrase you choose will then become the focal point of the constellation, shedding light on areas in your personal history that need the most attention and healing.
In addition to picking a healing phrase, we will create a list of affirmations—positive statements about what you want to incorporate into your life. This practice shifts the focus from a lack to abundance to what’s already present and can be nurtured. It’s about reinforcing the positive, the existing strengths and connections, to create a balanced perspective.
Exploring Family History
After we set a solid foundation with our initial conversation, the heart of the work begins!
Depending on the package you select, we will either meet for 30 minutes each week or for an hour. The process begins by examining your family history and discussing stories, events, and dynamics that have been passed down. It’s like being a detective, searching for clues that reveal repeating patterns. These patterns may manifest as recurring struggles, like unexplained anxieties, relationship challenges, or specific health issues. Our goal is to identify these patterns and understand their origin and impact on your current life.
We don’t want to get overwhelmed, though! Families are complex, so it’s best to focus on one side of your lineage at a time. We do this for clarity and depth. While it’s true that you inherit traits and patterns from both sides of your family, concentrating only on one side allows us to have a more focused exploration, ensuring that the insights and healing are as impactful as possible.
Once you go through the entire process with me, you’ll have the tools to keep exploring on your own, looking at other sides of your family, or you can always purchase another package and we can review more of your lineage together.
The Role of Objects in Constellations
Once we’ve done some digging and you decided which side of your family you want to focus on, we’ll begin building your constellation altar. I’ll ask you to pick a place in your home that will remain undisturbed for the duration of our work. This can be a dresser, small table, a section of the closet, whatever works. The main thing is that no one else in your house can disturb it (including pets!). This will be a sacred space just for you.
Between each session, I’ll have homework/exercises for you to complete, one of them being to gather a variety of objects. Don’t overthink it, just grab what resonates most. And the items can be anything—a spoon, a candle, knickknacks, jewelry. The selection process itself is deeply intuitive, guided by your subconscious mind’s connection to your family’s history and personal experiences. With my guidance, you’ll be placing these objects on your altar to represent different family members.
It sounds simple and you may think the objects are irrelevant at first, but they actually bring about some amazing transformations and revelations! As I said, nothing is random and each placement has a truth in it.
One of my clients was so shocked after placing a crayon on her altar and looking at how it aligned with other objects. It was such a big moment of insight for her that she said, “Who knew all of that would have come from putting a red crayon sideways!”
It’s truly amazing how our subconscious works and what it reveals through these objects. They may seem insignificant, but they hold great meaning and symbolism.
Weekly Progress and Adjustments
As we work together, meeting each week and discussing the homework, we’ll make slight adjustments to your altar. It becomes a living, energetic space. As we move the objects representing family members and issues, patterns emerge and you’ll discover so much about yourself and what has been influencing your actions.
This process takes several weeks because we need to allow time to see how your life is shifting. You’ll be amazed at how what’s currently happening in your life relates to your constellation and the work we’re doing with it.
And during the entire journey, I’m here to provide feedback and guidance, helping you navigate any changes you may be experiencing. Sometimes we may need to adjust our approach based on new insights or developments, but that’s just part of the process. This work is dynamic and each session builds upon the last.
Homework I assign may include breathwork, reflective practices, journaling, or continuing to work with the healing phrases and affirmations we discussed in our first session. The purpose of this homework is to keep you connected to what we’re doing and to encourage you to actively participate in your healing journey.
One of the beautiful outcomes of this entire process is the gradual alignment and discovery of your authentic place within your family system. Over time, you’ll likely experience a shift from confusion or disconnection to a more grounded and clear understanding of your role and relationships.
Ultimately, our goal through these weekly sessions and our work together is to guide you toward a place where you can receive the love and support available to you from your family, both past and present. This journey is unique for everyone, but it’s a shared human experience of seeking connection, understanding, and a sense of belonging.
Family Constellation Packages
Since everyone is different, some people only want to meet for 30 minutes a week, while others want the full hour. So I offer two packages: a 5-session package (5 weeks) where we meet for 30 minutes, and a 10-session package (10 weeks) that includes hour-long sessions.
The 30-minute sessions are perfect for clients who have already done a lot of self-healing work and mostly need some motivation and encouragement. These sessions are concise and focused, tailored for those who can quickly dive into the process, engage with the material, and work independently outside of the sessions. Despite their shorter duration, these sessions still offer significant insights and the potential for powerful shifts to occur.
The hour-long sessions provide a more in-depth exploration where we’ll spend more time talking about what’s going on in your life. They’re great for clients who are new to this type of work or want more space for discussion, reflection, and the exploration of complex family dynamics. The longer sessions also offer more time for coaching.
Whatever package you prefer is completely up to you. As a facilitator, I can guide you at whatever pace feels comfortable and focus on what you most want to address.
Explore Your History
Now that we’ve taken a deeper look at Family Constellations and the process, I hope you’re feeling as excited as I am! I truly love this work. It’s not about solving every issue, but rather gaining a deeper understanding, acceptance, and integration.
But the journey doesn’t end with our sessions. The insights and revelations from Family Constellations will continue to guide you long after the sessions are over.
I encourage you to embark on this transformative journey of self-discovery and healing. You can choose between my 5-session package for a focused and intensive experience, or my 10-session package for a more in-depth exploration.
Let’s begin diving into your Family Constellations! Select one of my packages or book a free 15-minute Discovery Session with me so we can chat.
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