June 21, 2024
Recently, I experienced a moment of pure magic.
It was so profound that I’ve brought it up at my breathwork ceremonies and I know I need to share it again here—it’s an important message.
It started with a seemingly random encounter with someone who works in my field. But instead of talking about surface-level stuff, both of us found ourselves diving deep into a conversation that was such a vulnerable share. We just went down this rabbit hole of inspiration and stimulation. There was an instant sense of kinship, a recognition of shared passions and experiences, and instead of avoiding the intensity of it all, I took a breath and let it flow.
At that moment, I realized what I’ve been desperately needing in my life: magic.
And, no, I don’t mean waving wands and reciting latin…just the magic that life brings us. Life can put us on these paths where we connect with another human in a way that can be very beautiful. During my recent conversation, I felt a renewed sense of wonder and possibility, and I was reminded of the magic that can happen when we open ourselves up to these unexpected connections.
This experience got me thinking about the importance of staying open despite our wounding and fears. It’s so easy to unconsciously put up walls and barriers that keep us safe but also keep us isolated from the very things that can fulfill us, bringing growth and healing.
So, instead of walls, what if we could cultivate a sense of openness and vulnerability that allows us to embrace the magic of unexpected connections, no matter how fleeting they are?
Let’s explore.
Something I have loved about my life is getting to experience these random sparks of magical connection. I often experience them when I’m traveling, and particularly with taxi drivers. Sound a little strange? It won’t in a moment!
I’ve had such beautiful encounters with a lot of taxi drivers because we’re in this enclosed space together. There’s a level of emotional intimacy that happens, a human-to-human intimacy that we all inherently crave.
Since me and a taxi driver are in this kind of bubble for several minutes, we share from our hearts, and then we go our separate ways. I’ve treasured those moments over my lifetime. I can still recall profound conversations that I’ve had with taxi drivers, whether it was in New Orleans, Tunisia, or wherever I was in the world.
But because I haven’t traveled as much recently, my sense of magic has weakened. These moments definitely exist in everyday life, but they’re sometimes harder to recognize than when I’m traveling. I can get too focused on stress and my to-do list, missing those human-to-human opportunities outside of my work.
My recent conversation made me face some of the walls I’ve had up recently that have been blocking my view of the magic that’s all around.
Most of us develop protective mechanisms as kids—it’s how we learn to cope with trauma, even if it’s not the best way. We usually aren’t given healthy tools as children, so we do what we can to survive. We learn to put up walls to keep ourselves safe and protect our sensitive nervous systems.
These walls can take a lot of forms. Some of us develop a tough exterior, making it seem like we’re completely invulnerable to the world. Others retreat inward, hiding true feelings and desires behind people-pleasing. Still others might get trapped in addictions or distractions, seeking to avoid the discomfort of emotions.
But all these different forms are a type of “shutting down” and blocking ourselves off from authenticity, people, and life.
Over time, these protective mechanisms can make us isolated and emotionally distant. We lose the ability to experience the magic and see the synchronicities.
And because these walls are unconscious and we’ve been reinforcing them for years, we don’t even realize that’s what we’re doing. We lead lives that are buffered—buffered from other people, buffered from happiness, from feeling too much or living too big…
So, if it’s all unconscious, how can we recognize when we have our walls up?
The first piece is wanting to figure it all out. So if this blog is resonating with you, that’s great! You’re on the right path because you have the intention of bringing awareness to your blocks, and only after that can the real work begin.
The next step is practicing emotional honesty. Without vulnerability, we can’t be in connection; we can only watch from the sidelines and wonder why something feels like it’s missing. We need to bring awareness to what we’re feeling and experiencing, then be emotionally honest with ourselves and emotionally honest with another.
And I’ll be transparent—this can be a lot of work!
If you want to get to a place where you can embrace everyday magic and all of those beautiful connections around you, then you first need to set the groundwork by intentionally being vulnerable.
When you’re having a conflict with your partner, consciously let yourself be vulnerable and share your emotions honestly.
Another example: when you’re struggling with something, take a moment to be honest with yourself about what you’re actually feeling. Maybe you journal or meditate or call a friend, but try not to bury those emotions.
When you begin to consciously practice this vulnerability again and again, your walls will naturally start to lower and you’ll suddenly feel like magical connections are popping up everywhere. The truth is, they were always there, but now you’re seeing them because you’re open to the experiences.
I can’t stress enough how important vulnerability is in building authentic, meaningful connections with others. When we’re willing to be vulnerable, we create space for others to do the same. We signal that we’re open to real, honest communication and that we value the unique perspectives and experiences of those around us.
All of this emotional honesty talk reminds me of the time I read a Deepak Chopra book on synchronicity. The homework from that book was to take notes every day whenever I noticed a synchronicity happening in my life. The guidance was to do that for an entire month. The premise was: what you put your attention on grows.
Well, my first thought was: “Are you serious? Every day??”
I started off by writing down one synchronicity a day, then forgetting and skipping a few days. But as I continued to bring awareness to what was happening in my daily life (instead of unconsciously going through it), by the end of that month, I was recording 21+ synchronicities per day. It just consistently grew.
So, the more you do the groundwork of setting your intentions and practicing emotional honesty, and the more you look for magic and joy, the more it “suddenly” appears.
Ultimately, you’ll come to the truth: that joy and magic are always there, always inside you, and you’re simply opening yourself up to receiving and experiencing.
In my work as a Life & Intimacy Coach, I draw on a range of modalities to help clients break down their walls and cultivate greater openness, vulnerability, and connection. Though working on emotional honesty is a great foundation, there are some other ways to help break through those walls.
One of the core principles of The Passion Test is that we are constantly evolving and growing. Our passions, desires, and priorities can shift and change over time. And that’s okay.
When we cling too tightly to a fixed idea of who we are or what we want, we limit ourselves. We may miss out on new opportunities or experiences that could bring us greater fulfillment and joy.
By regularly taking The Passion Test and reassessing your priorities, you can stay open to the possibilities around you. You’ll learn to embrace change as a natural part of the human experience and trust that your evolving passions will guide you in the right direction.
Family Constellations is a powerful modality that helps us explore the ways that our family and ancestral patterns might be influencing our current behaviors and beliefs.
Often, our main struggles and blocks are not entirely our own. They can be inherited from our parents, grandparents, or even earlier generations, passed down again and again.
By creating your Family Constellation, you can start to identify and release these inherited patterns. You can learn to see your family history in a new light and find ways to break free from the cycles of trauma and disconnection that may be holding you back.
When I talk about intimacy, I’m not talking about anything sexual (though Erotic Blueprints can help you live a more authentic and embodied life!).
Intimacy is about the level you know yourself and others—how deep and fulfilling your connections are.
When I’m working with clients to help them deepen their connection to self and release trauma stored in their body, we start by identifying and challenging the limiting beliefs and thought patterns that keep them walled off. We may explore questions like:
By exploring these beliefs and patterns, you can start to rewrite your internal narratives and create space for greater openness and connection.
Finally, breathwork is a powerful tool for releasing stored tension and emotion in the body, and cultivating a greater sense of openness and receptivity to change.
Breathwork helps us let go of the protective mechanisms that no longer serve us. We can tap into our body’s innate wisdom and resilience, and trust in our ability to navigate the ups and downs of life with grace and ease.
Breathwork can also help us cultivate a greater sense of presence and mindfulness, allowing us to stay open to the magic and beauty of each moment, even in the face of uncertainty or discomfort.
As you start to break down your walls and open yourself up to the magic of unexpected connections, it’s important to remember that this is an ongoing practice. It’s not something you do once and then forget about; it’s a daily commitment to staying open and receptive.
And one of the most profound lessons I’ve learned from my own journey is that not all connections are meant to last forever. Some of the most magical and transformative moments may come from brief, temporary encounters with strangers or acquaintances.
These connections may last only a few minutes or a few hours, but their impact can linger. They remind us of the inherent goodness and beauty in the world, and of the power of human connection to heal and transform.
So, rather than trying to cling to magical moments or force them to be something they’re not, learn to appreciate them for what they are: reminders of the power and beauty that is always available to us, if only we’re willing to open ourselves up to it.
If you’re feeling inspired to start breaking down your own walls and cultivating greater openness, vulnerability, and connection in your life, I invite you to book a 15-minute discovery session with me.
We’ll explore where you’re currently feeling stuck or disconnected, and identify some of the protective mechanisms that may be holding you back from the kind of authentic, fulfilling relationships you want.
I look forward to connecting with you.
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