December 29, 2024
Breakups are never easy, are they? Even when they're mutual, even when you know it's the right decision, there's still so much to process!
I've been navigating my own breakup recently, and I want to share something unexpected with you: how my breathwork practice became my anchor during this time of transition.
Remember my summer breathwork challenge? Those intense hour-long sessions that left me feeling transformed?
Well, life has a way of shifting our practices in unexpected ways. As I moved through the emotional waves of my breakup after the summer, I found myself drawn to shorter, more frequent sessions.
Not because I was trying to avoid what I was feeling—not at all!
It was more about wanting to reach those deeper emotional insights in less time because, as I’m sure you know, life can get hectic! I found myself with less time, but I still wanted to stay true to a consistent breathwork practice. I wanted to examine my patterns and uncover truths I hadn't been ready to see before.
What's surprised me most isn't just how powerful these shorter sessions have been (though trust me, they have been!), but how they've revealed layers of understanding about myself that go far beyond my breakup. In just 10 to 30 minutes of focused breathing, I've had insights that have literally stopped me in my tracks and brought me to tears—in the best possible way.
Today, I’m sharing that journey. Not just because it might help if you're going through something similar, but because it beautifully demonstrates how showing up for yourself consistently, even in small ways, can lead to profound healing and transformation.
Breakups are like mirrors, reflecting back all these parts of ourselves we might not want to see, parts we might have ignored in the past.
When my relationship ended, I made a conscious choice: instead of falling into old patterns of blame or rushing to "get over it," I decided to use this experience as an opportunity for deep self-discovery.
I set a clear intention for my practice during this time. Rather than using it to escape my feelings (which, let's be honest, can be tempting!), I wanted to use it to see myself more clearly. I wanted to understand my patterns, to recognize how I actually showed up in the relationship, and to learn from everything.
I discovered that when we approach our pain with curiosity instead of judgment, when we create a conscious space for growth, something shifts.
As I sat down to breathe every day, I began asking myself questions like, "What can I learn from this?" and "How did I participate in creating this dynamic?" Not from a place of self-blame, but from a genuine desire to understand.
And you know what? Even on days when I could only manage 10 minutes of breathwork, I experienced such deep insights. It wasn't about how long I practiced—it was about showing up, creating that space.
But I have to be honest: some days, I didn't want to do it! Some days, the thought of sitting with my emotions felt like too much. But I kept coming back to my intention: clarity. Understanding. Growth. And each time I showed up for myself, whether I cried or sat in silence, I could sense how I was building a stronger foundation for healing.
This consistent practice became my anchor. It wasn't about "fixing" anything or rushing the healing process. It was about creating a sacred space where I could meet myself exactly where I was, day after day, breath by breath.
Sometimes the most profound revelations come when we least expect them. During one particularly powerful, shorter breathwork session, I kept thinking about the word “clarity.” I wasn't looking for anything specific—I simply wanted to see clearly. See everything as clearly as I could, even if it hurt.
What happened next caught me completely off guard.
Within minutes of starting to breathe, I was overcome with grief—deep, soul-shaking sobs that seemed to come from nowhere. But this wasn't grief about my recent breakup.
Instead, I was suddenly grieving the limited time I'd spent with my parents during my childhood. From age 14, I attended boarding school in a different country, and later went to college on the other side of the world. In that moment of breathwork, I suddenly felt the full weight of all those missed years, all that distance.
As I sat with this grief, another layer revealed itself. I realized how deeply my childhood experiences had influenced my current life choices, especially as a parent. My strong desire to be present in my children's lives, to participate fully in their journey—it all connected back to those years of separation from my own parents and my family lineage.
The way I raised my children didn’t just pop up out of nowhere; it was a conscious (maybe a bit unconscious!) choice born from my own experience.
But the revelations weren't finished that day. As I continued breathing, something else clicked. I recognized a pattern that had been invisible to me until that moment.
Growing up, love and distance became intertwined. My brothers were away at boarding school by the time I was six. I was separated from my parents during my teenage years. Even my emotional connections often happened across distances.
Suddenly, I understood why I had been drawn to a long-distance relationship (my recent breakup), why that dynamic had felt somehow familiar and "normal" to me. It wasn't a coincidence—it was a pattern deeply imprinted from my childhood. Love, in my unconscious understanding, was something that happened across distance.
You can imagine how earthshaking that revelation was for me!
It was the kind of insight that changes everything. In just one 20-minute session, I had uncovered a pattern that had been influencing my relationships for decades. It wasn't about blame—not toward my parents, not toward myself, not toward anyone. It was simply about clarity, about truly seeing how my early experiences shaped my adult choices.
These revelations kept coming, each breathwork session bringing new layers of understanding. What amazes me most is how these insights didn’t come from hours and hours of analysis or therapy (though those certainly have their place!), but from simply creating space to breathe and listen to what needed to be heard.
Apparently, my inner voice had a lot to say!
So what am I getting at?
Well, it’s normal to think that deep emotional work requires hours of practice. Afterall, you’ve spent years accumulating patterns and trauma! But this year, I’ve seen again and again how consistency matters more than duration.
If you only process emotions once a month in a long draining session, it's like trying to empty a pool with a single bucket. But when you create space daily, even briefly, it's like opening a faucet, even a small one, to let everything come out steadily. The emotions move through more naturally, more completely.
During one of these shorter sessions, I encountered a truth that was hard to swallow. I recognized a pattern of martyrdom in my intimate partnerships. Yikes! Not exactly the kind of insight that makes you jump for joy!
But the beautiful thing about consistent breathwork is that it doesn't just show you these uncomfortable truths, it helps you hold them with compassion.
Instead of beating myself up about this pattern, I could see how it had developed. I could recognize its roots in family dynamics and societal conditioning. More importantly, I felt how this awareness was actually empowering. Because once you see a pattern clearly, you have the choice to change it.
Such profound stuff.
All of this self-discovery I’ve been talking about isn't a destination; it's always an ongoing journey. Every time I think I've figured something out, life shows me a new layer to explore. And that's actually perfect.
It means we're always growing, always evolving, always having the opportunity to know ourselves more deeply.
I love that about life!
So, you might be wondering how to start exploring your own patterns, especially if you're going through a challenging life change, like a breakup. The answer doesn't have to be complicated. Start with just 10 minutes of conscious breathing every day. Set an intention for clarity or understanding. Then simply listen to what comes up.
But I know starting down this path alone can be so overwhelming. I created my Inspired Breath breathwork membership to help with that.
Whether you're processing a specific life event, exploring patterns in your relationships, or simply seeking deeper self-understanding, you'll have access to a variety of guided sessions—from 10 minutes to an hour.
BUT, this membership isn't only about a library of guided breathing sessions. It's about creating a sanctuary for transformation, wherever you are in your journey. Here's what you'll find inside:
A Dedicated Community: Breathing alongside others who understand the journey is such a powerful experience. Connect with fellow breathworkers, share your experiences, ask questions, and find encouragement in our community space.
Think of this membership as your companion in self-discovery. You'll find all the tools and support you need to get everything you want out of your breathwork practice.
I invite you to become part of the Inspired Breath breathwork membership. This is your invitation to discover the magic that unfolds when we commit to this practice together.
Ready to begin? Click here to explore.
Whether you're seeking clarity, healing, or empowerment, our services are tailored to meet your unique needs. Take the first step towards a more inspired life.
